Harry Botter and the Phallus of Fire
by MadSpike212
Summary: WARNING! Very explicit literature. This book was not intended to hurt, upset or offend anyone. It was created for a play on words and fun. If easily offended. Please leave now. This scene revolves around when Harry and Cedric both touch the phallus of fie and are transported to the graveyard.


After both Harry and Cedric laid their hands on Phallus of Fire, there was a sudden jolt, a bright light, a whizz and pop of magic. The damn thing was a gateway. Both of them felt dizzy. Harry related it to how he felt after Hagraypa had used that spell 'Rohypnolous-Rapiem' on him. The effects felt similar though not as intense nor was the duration anywhere near as long. As Harry was getting his wits together he realised they were in some sort of graveyard. Cedric had stood up in response to a figure approaching them. He unzipped his fly ready to use his wand. "Who is that?!" He shouted hoping for a response. The figure was coming towards them with haste and it looked like he was already holding his wand although Cedric couldn't see it. "Is he holding his wand?" He asked Harry, "Because I can't see it". Harry had a sudden thought which only brought a realisation of danger. There was only one person he knew of who had such a tiny wand. He shouted, "Cedric lookout! Its Fishbait!". Cedric brought his proud wand out to use but before he could even wave it Fishbait had already performed his action while chanting, "Exsperminate!". A blob of spunk shot from Fishbaits wand and into Cedric's eye!

With the spell hitting him hard in the face, Cedric fell to the floor like a sack of spuds and as the he laid there lifeless and limp, his wand still in his hand soon followed the same pattern. Harry jumped to feet quickly crying out in anguish at his friends demise. He ripped his flies open fumbling for his wand to do harm to Fishbait but he was not quick enough. Fishbait commanded, "Spider-Man!" which a vast load of ejaculation came out of his wand pinning Harry against a tombstone behind him. Harry screamed in anger. Fishbait viewed Cedric corpse. "Phoawr! I'd loved to have bummed him! …. Meh, I might still. Anyways, enough fantasy!

Eruptous!" He gave his mini wand a flick and a cloud of smoke began expelling from the end, the fog swirled round on the ground with what seemed to be a cauldron beginning to ascend from the depths of it. Harry was unsure what was going on. Why hasn't he killed him? What was he planning to do? What's with the cauldron? Fishbait continued, "DNA from the servant willfully given!" He exclaimed as he masturbated violently towards the cauldron, shooting a load into it. He took a pause to compose himself. Then he approached Harry, "Hairs of the enemies arse… forcefully taken!" He demanded as he pulled Harry's pants down, only to reveal Harry's hairless arse. He looked up at Harry, "But your bare?! I've seen more hair on bacon!"

"Well I'm only fourteen you dick!" Harry informed him. Fishbait gave an offended face then pointed his wand at Harry's butt cheeks. He gave two fapps and said the words,

"Extra-hairy-anus!". A spark came out hitting Harry's posterior which made him feel a funny sensation. A tingle in the crack of him buns grew and grew. "Hey! What the…. Ooh! It tickles! Aah! Stop! STOP!" hairs began to spiral out of his skin around his turd clippers. "STOP I SAID! I wish to experience puberty naturally!" it was too late though. A thick bush now covered what was once a neat and tidy backside. Fishbait plucked a couple if hairs and dropped them into the cauldron. It hissed as the hairs dissolved in the bubbling liquid. "And now for me to dump on my Lord!" he said as he picked up what looked like E.T with aids wrapped in a discarded, pissy bed sheet. "No you bloody senseless jizz rag!" objected the ground zero patient. "Not dump on me! Dump me in! Into the cauldron!".

"Oh! I apologise master! That could have drastically went the wrong way!" Fishbait replied. Harry now realised who it was who looked like a ghost with anorexia. It was The All-Powerful Darkly Supreme Evil Lord Wrongdoer Pope-King! Scrotumwart! Fishbait carried Scrotumwart to the cauldron and dropped him in. Weird noises of twisted wailing seemed to come from all

around. As the cauldron bubbled intensely, purple fog poured over its edges immersing it completely. Scrotemwart began to ride from the mist. His dark bed sheet which hung open revealing his wand. Harry stared at it. It only occurred to him that he had never thought about how the dark lords wand would look. People had said it was similar to Harry's. They were right, only Scrotumwarts was thicker. "it's ok Harry, you may look" Scrotumwart said with pride. "its bloody magnificent isn't it. The wand to rule them all!"

"Stop that!" shouted Harry, "Your gonna get us sued for copyright!?" "Yes master! You referencing to close to LOTRs." said Fishbait. "Its a good show!"

"I know master. It's all you fucking watched while you were in your geriatric form". "Never mind that! Harry! Look at my wand! Stare and admire!" Harry looked but was

unimpressed. "Yeah? So what. I got a similar one." he said smarmly. "Yes you do. But mine is bigger!"

"Well of course it is! Your a bloody adult. I'm only a young teenager. I still have to develop my wand."

"alas Harry… you will not get a chance to when I'm done with you!" Scrotumwart said. "Why what you gonna do?" Harry asked with no real interest.

"You are the boy who got away. The one they call the untouchable. Well you aren't Harry, because… " he approached Harry, "I can touch you now!" Scrotumwart had a crazy perverts grin on his face while wiggling his fingers out upfront him like he was playing piano… badly. His tongue rapidly flicking behind his teeth as he drew closer to Harry. "No!" Harry screamed, " a stranger danger! Stranger danger!"

"I am no stranger to you though Harry!"

"Bugger off! I only know you by name! When social services gets here they'll trust me, not you!" Harry said. Fishbait came sheepishly to Scrotumwarts side and said, "Your perviness… I understand your making up for lost time but… since I helped you get back I was hoping you restore me to my previous state. Since I have stayed by your side".

"only out of fear Fishbait! Though your many golden showers and rather extensive collection of porn kept my spirits up. So I shall keep my side of the bargain." Scrotumwart approached Fishbait and grabbed his wand. He instructed Fishbait to touch the tip of his wand against his. Then Scrotumwart rolled the flesh of his wand over Fishbaits. Harry watched with discomfort,."Jeesus!" Harry squirmed, " Did you have to stove-pipe him?!" . Scrotumwart ignored him and chanted, "Jelqous-enlargous!". Fishbait wand grew thicker and longer. Not by much though… "There you go. You are no longer Fishbait… you are now … Wormtail!"

"Thank you massster" Wormtail said in a very arse licking Igor style. Scrotumwart looked at Harry. There was a moment of real seriousness now as Scrotumwart was approaching Harry with a look of _get ready for what I'm about to tell you bitch _on his face. "I'm going to bum you Harry Botter… " then without a moment's warning Scrotumwart swung his wand around in his hand making Harry come down from his tombstone, pants come down and bent over to receive Scrotumwarts thick juicy wand! "Aah! Wait! Isn't there some sort of diabolical plan you still want to tell me?!" Harry pleaded.

''I thought I just told you! I'm going to bum you!'' Scrotumwart excitedly explained. He signaled to Wormtail who then ran infront of Scrotumwart with a large electric fan. He turned the fan on

which caused Scrotumwarts bed sheet robe to flail erratically, revealing his blue veined wand. He cackled hysterically screaming, ''Dramatic effect for my big victory!'' Before he could proceed though, Harry ripped a huge fart and three ghosts floated out of his arse. They circled numerous times with Scrotumwart observing them in confusion. Two of the spectres came to face Harry while the other still pranced round the dark lord of perve. It was Harry's parents. "Mam! Dad! What are you doing here!?" Harry exclaimed.

"This isn't a time for questions Harry, now you must act fast!" Mr Botter said in his ghostly form. Harry's mother joined in, "Son, we will distract Scrotumwart but we can only do it for a moment. You must escape through The Phallus of Fire! It will take you back to Fuckwarts Academy. Are you ready Harry!?". Harry shook his head. "Please tell me! I must know!" He exclaimed. "Yes what is it son!?" His father asked. "Why did you guys come out of my arse!?" There was silence. Then Mr Botter said, "This isn't a time for questions Harry! You must act fast!" Harry nodded, his face straining from trying to tighten his buttcheeks in order to stop Scrotumwarts penetrating lust. The third ghost came beside Harry. It was Cedric. "Can you take my body to Harry? Its just Wormtail is really eyeing my corpse and I really would rather he didn't sodomize my dead ass!". Harry agreed again just wanting to move already. With that the three spirits moved round Scrotumwart and Cedrics spirit unplugged the electrical fan. Instant rage hit the dark lord, "Wormtail! Plug that thing back in! I must have the full affect!". In that moment, Harry ran to Cedrics lifeless body and flicked his wand and chanted, "Scorpion!". To which a chain and hook shot out of his wand attaching to the Phallus of Fire! A voice echoed in the shadows, "Get over here!" And the chain pulled the big golden floppy ding dong into Harry's hand which in a flash took them from the graveyard. Scrotumwart let out a large cry of anger as Wormtail only just finally plugged the big fan in, once again flailing his bed cloth and making his rage all the more dramatic.


End file.
